waiting for me

this mind is full of emptyness,
yet i cant find room for you.

these thoughts are causing cancer,
and i'm just trying to see through

the sun is shining out today,
but the clouds can keep me blue.

your voice is so welcoming,
though i'm having deja vu.

my insecurity cant fight this,
you know what you do.

the syablles flow soft as knives,
my heart they slice into.

i cannot find my own tongue,
its stuck to the roof of my mouth,
crawling, clawing its way out,
i dont know what to say,
do i tell you?
do i trust you?
do i run into the unsuspecting arms of my dreams
or do i chase my reality?

do i fall?
do i sink, into this depression?
should i lunge, just to trip,
on the spikes of the truth.
do i speak just to lie,
in this bed of confussion?

i cant find my place,
in all of this rejection.

i cant find happiness,
in all of this obsession.

tonight is coming closer,
not that it matters.

tommorow keeps passing,
not that it greats me.

the wind passes through me,
without my permission.

the air invades me,
these waves crash against me,
the water ingulfs me,
i cant help but surrender.

so when does it end?
when do i stop typing, when do i stop talking?
i'll start again.
with this three month memory.
i'll forgive and forget.

just not myself.

ACH

beeping machines and screams
halls full of colors to brighten the others
they make it like home so you'll leave them alone
so they can disappear to another

i was told this

"you are not capable of being mean to someone no matter what fucked up shit they do to you."

i dont, i cant hate anyone, in fact, most of the time i find a way to justify it and make it seem like my own fault. well check this out,

FUCK YOU.
(i mean it this time)