yesh

i want passion.
this is what i want.
i crave someone who is dedicated to what they love, and will do anything for it.
from friends to football, whatever it takes.
this makes more sence now,
you see,
i dont want someone old
or new
but someone with the energy and
PASSION!!

and

here i am again
writing, a blog i suppose,
at least thats what the site entails
its possible it will be the same as the last,
i dont apoligize.

i forgot my mother last night.
i dont mean that i tried to "get over her"
i mean i buried my head in a fresh new blanket,
and i smelled her.

but i couldnt invision her face
her personailty is long gone,
along with any emotional attachment.
perhaps years of trying to sever ambilical residue has caught up to me,
now that i'm at peace.

i recall few things about her.
mostly things that i repeated in stories over and over,
i'm not sure whats real or warped.
i know she worked at a car dealership.
i know that she has dark hair.
and i know that shes crazy,
but thats not much of a description for your own mother.

sex.
its a funny thing.
its been blown wayy out of proportion,
it feels good.
at least to everyone else.
but like most good things in life,
people like to use it against each other,
to get something
somehow,
i dont even know.

its like my mind is flipping channels,
i forgot what i was going to say within the two breathes i take to type
oh fuck..

maybe i'm ADHD..
i would just like someone to take me seriously,
i mean some do,
but still.
i feel that i need serious help..

i cant write tonight, i just cant...

feb 7

i can still feel the day i breathed,
but today is blurry
i cant even count,
i dont  know what to do.

i'm blame it on being tired,
i think i'll even yawn.

maybe its the stress

i honestly dont even know.

everything appears to be in another language
its like nothing is working out
or making ANY since at all..

i know what i am pyscially supposed to do
well,
the basics.

right now i should be going to bed.
tommorow i will work.

but what was i supposed to do in between?
uhm, a doctor appointment maybe?
was i supposed to go to that place with that thing and the person...

i feel half awake, spaced out...
stoned out of my gourd.
i try to sing along to stay awake,
its not helping.

well,
goodnight.
i forgot the point in writing this now...

Awake.
Shakes.
Pills for the shakes from the other pills.
Heart 100.
Can't feel it
Count it.
Work.
Even though I just got off work.
Lysol batteries sugar orange juice superglue.
Interesting.

Shoes.
Feet.
Walk.
Bye.

please

HELP ME

mein tiel

ich möchte nicht Ihnen dieses erklären aber ich liebe dich. seine harten, in diese Sprache zu schreiben, aber ich wissen, dass Sie mich, sogar ohne einen Übersetzer verstehen können. ich benötige das Gefühl wieder. ich bin litterally süchtig. noch einmal. zweimal mehr. ich brauche. ich brauche. zurückgekommen bitte i' ll kommen zurück. ja.

 

vunderbar..

halloB

are you here?

i miss you, i shouuldnt say this but i do.i suppose its probably due to some sort of unfound jealousy or maybe the feeling that i am no longer wanted. i want to feel wanted, i guess that is all i have ever been after, after all standing out and acting out, you know how i was. maybe its the fact that i know you have loved, and probably still love, someone else, or better yet, several others.


you're mine.
you always have been.
you just forget sometimes,
its alright, we all do.
but just know,
you will
come back to me.


and you are back to me,
just the same as you were.
wind in my hair, hand on your heart,
i jerk away,
WHY.

whats wrong with me?
i cant remember,
it was important.

ok.
its gone.
better.
chills.
urg...