You can take my hair,
You can take my tits,
You can take my curves,
and my fucking wits.
You can scar my mind,
You can bleed my brain,
You can crack my spine,
but I won't compain,
You can't see my hurt,
You can't feel my pain,
You can't smell my fear
when I go insane.
I can't remember you,
or how you came to be,
but there's one thing I know
and that's that I'll hold on to me.
I won't forget my heart,
or my love of fun,
or how to laugh,
even though I'll forget my name,
by the time your done.
I won't forget the faces that brought me this far,
or the way my daughter cheers me up,
you just can't take that from me.
I will always know I'm beautiful,
even when they throw beer cans at me and snicker.
I will always remember that I'm sexy,
even when they call me "sir" in the most sincere way.
The one thing you have given me,
is the inability to hate.
I can't stay mad.
I can't remember what they did.
I can't get sick of the same food every night.
I enjoy legos and coloring books the more you deteriorate me.
But it's also harder to build things like
love
or
trust
when you can't recall who someone even is.
it's a little harder to try new things,
when you wake up under someone else's ceiling,
and it's not the same popcorn white one as yours.
It's a lot easier to be trigger happy when you don't even know who you're enemy is.
But I will invest in play-doh, and I will enjoy my days.
Even though I have the bad ones, where I can't remember my own name.
And maybe I'll sleep with a night light, from the paranoia
which comes with multiple personality
which leads to bipolar
which leads to confusion
which leads to rage.
so maybe i'm not always pleasant, but it lasts just for a moment,
until tears run down my broken jaw,
for I can't remember anything.
But I remember loving,
and the warmth of a loved ones arms,
the forgiving and forgetting nature of this silent conversation.
You see,
I won't let you take me,
though you might take my body,
and my mind,
and maybe even my ability to function.
But I'll fight til the day I die,
holding onto every sacred memory,
every day I've ever been blessed to have,
and every sweet moment with my daughter.
I'll grasp for every piece of brain cell I have left,
running back over them,
retracing my steps.
I might get lost at Wal-Mart,
or even in my own house,
I might forget that I don't work there,
and try to clock in.
I might puke every time I eat,
but I'll keep tasting without fail.
Dear Cancer,
Dear Bleeding Brain,
Dear Immuno-defiencency,
Dear lack of motor skills,and memory,
Dear seizures, and convulsions,
Dear nails falling off, and hair falling out,
Dear degenerative soft tissue damaged right frontal lobes
and all other medical speak,
I won't let you take me.
I will hold my head high,
when they wheel me into hospice.
Even if I'm holding a babydoll and mumbling to myself...
