i dream about the ones i love dying, being raped, molested; all because i trusted someone. and its real in my head, its torture,
its a dream i cant wake up from very easily, but when i do and come to, my heart is pumping at 180. i feel like i'm dying just from
dreaming these dreams. and theres this cat, that seems to be suffering, so i cut its head off, just to realize its still alive.
and this little boy keeps walking around, he wont talk to me, but near the end, he takes me to this room, i guess to play with
this other little boy, and when i go to pick up the other little boy, he's cold and limp, like its been months since he's breathed,
maybe years. and i jump back, the alive little boy laughs, and i realize theres something wrong with this. and this lady comes in, and
i think shes supposed to be the mom but shes after me. i dont understand this. it sounds like a big mash up of stuff that isnt
involved with my life, but in the dream, its my family. ryans there too, but i cant seem to wake him up, he keeps saying, 'its alright.'
i think the only way to shake this feeling is to write it down. get it out of my head. its not real it cant hurt me, yet i wake up
crying with bruises that go along with the dream. and the mother, she has this huge house, everyone loves her, i think she's supposed
to be helping me, but when no one is around, she keeps trying to strangle me. i cant write it down fast enough before i forget the details
that make it make sence why i would be scared, why it would seem real, why it really COULD hurt me.
and that cat, that was my cat, i could feel her, i held her limp body, yet after i sliced into her neck, she started breathing again...
my heart isnt beating right, its too fast to count...
